July 2009 (The Nierenberg Group)

July 2009

THE NIERENBERG GROUP
Tip of the Month

July 2009

“A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it”

And ‘we all smile in the same language”.

In the Chinese scriptures it is written that a smile affects every single cell in our bodies.

We all know there has been much research conducted on how smiling and laughing can prevent some disease and certainly stress and that it take less muscles to smile then it does to frown---so why does it sometimes seem so hard to give one away.

I recently watched someone totally change when I said to him –‘you have a great smile’---it was like he became a different person and he truly did. I took a chance because in our meeting, at first he epitomized a curmudgeon …

I took a leap of faith and I’m glad that I did in this case.

However sometimes we encounter people who we feel are difficult in the way they appear to us and we really shouldn’t assume anything---knowing that for every action, there is always a reaction. It is human nature to make a judgment and we all do—so this is only a reminder on some basic suggestions.

Often when I present on conflict resolution in my communications sessions, I start with a basic truth that the only person we can truly change is ourselves. So the next time we run into someone who seems difficult or who doesn’t seem to have an approachable expression, we might need to change the way we interact.

Take a quick look at my S.M.I.L.E. principle. I hope it brings one to your face after you review the list.

S. Stay in control. Think about how your responses could be perceived by others. See things from the other person’s point of view.

M. Make yourself be ‘heard’. This has little to do with volume or emotion. It is about speaking clearly, and in a style others can appreciate. To understand the other—observe and listen to them, discover their hot buttons and don’t push them.

I. Involve the other person by asking questions. Listen to the answers carefully. Then you can respond to their concerns and ask more questions that will address issues that interest you both.

L. Let go. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away. Sometimes you have to give the situation a rest. When you come back, you will see it from a different perspective.

E. Keep your ego in check and at the door. Your conscience needs to be your Guide and maintain respect for the other person. The goal needs to be for both parties to win the war over the challenge, even if you have to surrender the battle.

It is always our choice. We can go through life fighting a battle or we can choose to sign peace agreements. Not always easy—yet the rewards are much greater with the latter.

Here are a few more thoughts on ‘sweetening’ a sour relationship:

*Reframe what the other person said to you. Play back the message. This time use words that convey a more positive idea. Ask yourself was there something constructive that we took as criticizing?

*Edit your comments. Phrase your reply so that you put ‘water’ on the fire instead of gasoline. Again—easier said then done—and it takes practice not to strike back.

*Listen. We have been given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Research shows that often we listen with only 13% efficiency. Make a point to listen and not interrupt.

*Disarm. Help the other person see the situation, as a mutual challenge and that you are in it together. Stay in control, even if the other person wants to do something else. Staying calm can be a persuasion tactic—and you may very well reach an agreement.

As I mentioned last month, we have some new projects in our pipeline and would love your thoughts:

A new book is percolating regarding 'how one uses handwritten and thank you notes to build business and relationships' .

(Send me your story and I will send you a gift) I have already received quite a few—so all stories are welcome and they are wonderful for me to read and learn from.

We are thinking seriously of launching a radio show on line and would like your feedback—what would make you tune in? I will be interviewing wonderful people on some of their success strategies and the network is already filling up. Give us your thoughts: Nierenberg Radio

Remember to discover and use the wonderful tools that make us stay memorable and in front of our customers, clients, contacts and friends all the time.

My two favorites:

www.appreciationpower.net Combine high tech with high touch—anywhere you are in the world- you can send a note, card, gift and personalize it with a few clicks and it goes in the U.S. mail with a first class stamp--a true heartfelt card is sent to their forgotten physical mailbox. Take a look and send out a card to anyone you want on my gift account. I welcome you to do so.
www.echapterone.com is a leading Internet based digital bookstore that gives the gift of education With all of the business books published yearly as 'must reads', it makes sense to look for unbiased, professional educated assistance to decide which books to read. In 10 minutes, you can obtain the essence of the book-Marketed under the moniker, Executive Summaries for Leaders™ . Executive Summaries are focused on global marketing; sales; finance; and organizational leadership, delivering actionable knowledge. After reading an Executive Summary, you can talk knowledgably about a book, and then make an informed decision whether to buy the book, or save your precious time & money for the next important action item. There are some other great opportunities also with this tool. Call or email me to find out.

With both of these terrific systems that I use and love—let me answer any questions, concerns or thoughts you may have..

I’m just back from a terrific trip to France—I hope your summer continues to be your best ever.

“Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night and four billion go to bed hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition.” Cavett Robert

All the best,